7.05.2004

Fireworks explode in her eyes, the pain shuddering her soul.
No physical wounds this time, they are all hidden within her.
She can't ask them to stop, they just won't. They do not understand what they do to her. They can't.
How many more times can she absorb these blows.
The blows that send her reeling backwards, into the desert of lonliness.
She feels she belongs there sometimes, alone. She doesn't need anyone else. She doesn't trust anyone else. She can't trust anyone else. The love that she has inside, she cannot share. Who would understand? Who?
This was the question that she asked every night, in her prayers. She prayed for a friend to come, one that she could trust, one that would help her, be there for her. One that would listen as she weeped unabashedly, spilling herself in front of him.
But he never came.
She sits alone in a desert of her soul. The cracked earth below symbolizing her cheer, now gone, evaporated into millions of pieces, no longer salvagable.
She shrinks back again, at the sight of another. How had he come to this place? Was it one of them, come to ridicule?
But this man was a stranger, tall. He held the world in his eyes, eyes that could pierce though yours, and read your mind. But they were not hard, nor was his smile. It was easy, and laughing. As he came towards her, she noticed a change. It was slight, perhaps just a thought, passing her by. The she refocused her attention on the stranger, walking steadily and purposefully towards her. She cast her eyes down, panicked. Was this another, one that woud hurt her? Then he stood in front of her and she looked up. Surprised she glanced around. The desert was now lush with vegitation. A brook babbled behind her somewhere. This is where she belonged.
But she could not trust him. She could not trust anyone. She shook her head, and stepped back.
- - -
He lowered his hand, saddened. It was not that he hadn't tried. He could see what she needed, just as she could see it herself, but he was not one to force it on her. Besides, friendship cannot be forced. He turned from her, and walked back the way he came.
- - -
She saw the look in his eyes, as she turned him away. It wasn't a pain. It was a saddened look. He was sad for her. He was sad for her? She ran the thoughts over in her head, brain clouded with the past pain that had sent her here, but the image that she held of him was clear. Was this a sign?
Shuddering, she was torn from her thoughts, to see herself alone in the desert again. As he retreated, the life of her oasis went with him. For every step he took, the lush vegitation around her shrivled a little bit more.
As she saw herself wrapped in misery again, she began to cry. What was it that she really needed? For so long she had looked for people, always seeking. But now, she saw that someone had found her. She hoped that he would understand, as she took the first step towards him, towards salvation.

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